ACT I
ACT I, SCENE I. DUKE ORSINO's palace.
[Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and other Lords;
Musicians attending]
DUKE ORSINO:
- If music be the food of love, play on;
- Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
- The appetite may sicken, and so die.
- That strain again! it had a dying fall:
- O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound,
- That breathes upon a bank of violets,
- Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:
- 'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
- O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou,
- That, notwithstanding thy capacity
- Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
- Of what validity and pitch soe'er,
- But falls into abatement and low price,
- Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy
- That it alone is high fantastical.
CURIO:
- Will you go hunt, my lord?
DUKE ORSINO:
- What, Curio?
DUKE ORSINO:
- Why, so I do, the noblest that I have:
- O, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,
- Methought she purged the air of pestilence!
- That instant was I turn'd into a hart;
- And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,
- E'er since pursue me.
-
[Enter VALENTINE]
- How now! what news from her?
VALENTINE:
- So please my lord, I might not be admitted;
- But from her handmaid do return this answer:
- The element itself, till seven years' heat,
- Shall not behold her face at ample view;
- But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk
- And water once a day her chamber round
- With eye-offending brine: all this to season
- A brother's dead love, which she would keep fresh
- And lasting in her sad remembrance.
DUKE ORSINO:
- O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame
- To pay this debt of love but to a brother,
- How will she love, when the rich golden shaft
- Hath kill'd the flock of all affections else
- That live in her; when liver, brain and heart,
- These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd
- Her sweet perfections with one self king!
- Away before me to sweet beds of flowers:
- Love-thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT I, SCENE II. The sea-coast.
[Enter VIOLA, a Captain, and Sailors]
VIOLA:
- What country, friends, is this?
Captain:
- This is Illyria, lady.
VIOLA:
- And what should I do in Illyria?
- My brother he is in Elysium.
- Perchance he is not drown'd: what think you, sailors?
Captain:
- It is perchance that you yourself were saved.
VIOLA:
- O my poor brother! and so perchance may he be.
Captain:
- True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance,
- Assure yourself, after our ship did split,
- When you and those poor number saved with you
- Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,
- Most provident in peril, bind himself,
- Courage and hope both teaching him the practise,
- To a strong mast that lived upon the sea;
- Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,
- I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves
- So long as I could see.
VIOLA:
- For saying so, there's gold:
- Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
- Whereto thy speech serves for authority,
- The like of him. Know'st thou this country?
Captain:
- Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born
- Not three hours' travel from this very place.
Captain:
- A noble duke, in nature as in name.
VIOLA:
- Orsino! I have heard my father name him:
- He was a bachelor then.
Captain:
- And so is now, or was so very late;
- For but a month ago I went from hence,
- And then 'twas fresh in murmur,--as, you know,
- What great ones do the less will prattle of,--
- That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.
Captain:
- A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count
- That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her
- In the protection of his son, her brother,
- Who shortly also died: for whose dear love,
- They say, she hath abjured the company
- And sight of men.
VIOLA:
- O that I served that lady
- And might not be delivered to the world,
- Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,
- What my estate is!
Captain:
- That were hard to compass;
- Because she will admit no kind of suit,
- No, not the duke's.
VIOLA:
- There is a fair behavior in thee, captain;
- And though that nature with a beauteous wall
- Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee
- I will believe thou hast a mind that suits
- With this thy fair and outward character.
- I prithee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,
- Conceal me what I am, and be my aid
- For such disguise as haply shall become
- The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke:
- Thou shall present me as an eunuch to him:
- It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing
- And speak to him in many sorts of music
- That will allow me very worth his service.
- What else may hap to time I will commit;
- Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.
Captain:
- Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be:
- When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.
VIOLA:
- I thank thee: lead me on.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT I, SCENE III. OLIVIA'S house.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- What a plague means my niece, to take the death of
- her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.
MARIA:
- By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'
- nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great
- exceptions to your ill hours.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Why, let her except, before excepted.
MARIA:
- Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest
- limits of order.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am:
- these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be
- these boots too: an they be not, let them hang
- themselves in their own straps.
MARIA:
- That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard
- my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish
- knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.
MARIA:
- What's that to the purpose?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.
MARIA:
- Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats:
- he's a very fool and a prodigal.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the
- viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages
- word for word without book, and hath all the good
- gifts of nature.
MARIA:
- He hath indeed, almost natural: for besides that
- he's a fool, he's a great quarreller: and but that
- he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he
- hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent
- he would quickly have the gift of a grave.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors
- that say so of him. Who are they?
MARIA:
- They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to
- her as long as there is a passage in my throat and
- drink in Illyria: he's a coward and a coystrill
- that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn
- o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench!
- Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.
-
[Enter SIR ANDREW]
SIR ANDREW:
- Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Sweet Sir Andrew!
SIR ANDREW:
- Bless you, fair shrew.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- My niece's chambermaid.
SIR ANDREW:
- Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.
MARIA:
- My name is Mary, sir.
SIR ANDREW:
- Good Mistress Mary Accost,--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her, board
- her, woo her, assail her.
SIR ANDREW:
- By my troth, I would not undertake her in this
- company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?
MARIA:
- Fare you well, gentlemen.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst
- never draw sword again.
SIR ANDREW:
- An you part so, mistress, I would I might never
- draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have
- fools in hand?
MARIA:
- Sir, I have not you by the hand.
SIR ANDREW:
- Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.
MARIA:
- Now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring
- your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.
SIR ANDREW:
- Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?
SIR ANDREW:
- Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can
- keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?
SIR ANDREW:
- Are you full of them?
MARIA:
- Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry,
- now I let go your hand, I am barren.
-
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I
- see thee so put down?
SIR ANDREW:
- Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
- put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit
- than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I am a
- great eater of beef and I believe that does harm to my wit.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- No question.
SIR ANDREW:
- An I thought that, I'ld forswear it. I'll ride home
- to-morrow, Sir Toby.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Pourquoi, my dear knight?
SIR ANDREW:
- What is 'Pourquoi'? do or not do? I would I had
- bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in
- fencing, dancing and bear-baiting: O, had I but
- followed the arts!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
SIR ANDREW:
- Why, would that have mended my hair?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.
SIR ANDREW:
- But it becomes me well enough, does't not?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I
- hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs
- and spin it off.
SIR ANDREW:
- Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece
- will not be seen; or if she be, it's four to one
- she'll none of me: the count himself here hard by woos her.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above
- her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I
- have heard her swear't. Tut, there's life in't,
- man.
SIR ANDREW:
- I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
- strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques
- and revels sometimes altogether.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
SIR ANDREW:
- As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
- degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare
- with an old man.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
SIR ANDREW:
- Faith, I can cut a caper.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- And I can cut the mutton to't.
SIR ANDREW:
- And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
- as any man in Illyria.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have
- these gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to
- take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? why dost
- thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in
- a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not
- so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What
- dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in?
- I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
- leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
SIR ANDREW:
- Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
- flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some revels?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?
SIR ANDREW:
- Taurus! That's sides and heart.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the
- caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!
-
[Exeunt]
ACT I, SCENE IV. DUKE ORSINO's palace.
[Enter VALENTINE and VIOLA in man's attire]
VALENTINE:
- If the duke continue these favours towards you,
- Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath
- known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.
VIOLA:
- You either fear his humour or my negligence, that
- you call in question the continuance of his love:
- is he inconstant, sir, in his favours?
VALENTINE:
- No, believe me.
DUKE ORSINO:
- Who saw Cesario, ho?
VIOLA:
- On your attendance, my lord; here.
DUKE ORSINO:
- Stand you a while aloof, Cesario,
- Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd
- To thee the book even of my secret soul:
- Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;
- Be not denied access, stand at her doors,
- And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow
- Till thou have audience.
VIOLA:
- Sure, my noble lord,
- If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow
- As it is spoke, she never will admit me.
DUKE ORSINO:
- Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds
- Rather than make unprofited return.
VIOLA:
- Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?
DUKE ORSINO:
- O, then unfold the passion of my love,
- Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:
- It shall become thee well to act my woes;
- She will attend it better in thy youth
- Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.
VIOLA:
- I think not so, my lord.
DUKE ORSINO:
- Dear lad, believe it;
- For they shall yet belie thy happy years,
- That say thou art a man: Diana's lip
- Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe
- Is as the maiden's organ, shrill and sound,
- And all is semblative a woman's part.
- I know thy constellation is right apt
- For this affair. Some four or five attend him;
- All, if you will; for I myself am best
- When least in company. Prosper well in this,
- And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,
- To call his fortunes thine.
VIOLA:
- I'll do my best
- To woo your lady:
-
[Aside]
- yet, a barful strife!
- Whoe'er I woo, myself would be his wife.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT I, SCENE V. OLIVIA'S house.
[Enter MARIA and Clown]
MARIA:
- Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will
- not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in
- way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.
CLOWN:
- Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this
- world needs to fear no colours.
CLOWN:
- He shall see none to fear.
MARIA:
- A good lenten answer: I can tell thee where that
- saying was born, of 'I fear no colours.'
CLOWN:
- Where, good Mistress Mary?
MARIA:
- In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.
CLOWN:
- Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those
- that are fools, let them use their talents.
MARIA:
- Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent; or,
- to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?
CLOWN:
- Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and,
- for turning away, let summer bear it out.
MARIA:
- You are resolute, then?
CLOWN:
- Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.
MARIA:
- That if one break, the other will hold; or, if both
- break, your gaskins fall.
CLOWN:
- Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if
- Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a
- piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.
MARIA:
- Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my
- lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.
-
[Exit]
OLIVIA:
- Take the fool away.
CLOWN:
- Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.
OLIVIA:
- Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you:
- besides, you grow dishonest.
CLOWN:
- Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
- will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is
- the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
- himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if
- he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
- that's mended is but patched: virtue that
- transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that
- amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
- simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,
- what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
- calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take
- away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.
OLIVIA:
- Sir, I bade them take away you.
CLOWN:
- Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
- facit monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not
- motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to
- prove you a fool.
CLOWN:
- Dexterously, good madonna.
CLOWN:
- I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
- of virtue, answer me.
OLIVIA:
- Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof.
CLOWN:
- Good madonna, why mournest thou?
OLIVIA:
- Good fool, for my brother's death.
CLOWN:
- I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
OLIVIA:
- I know his soul is in heaven, fool.
CLOWN:
- The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
- soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.
OLIVIA:
- What think you of this fool, Malvolio? doth he not mend?
MALVOLIO:
- Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him:
- infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the
- better fool.
CLOWN:
- God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
- better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be
- sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his
- word for two pence that you are no fool.
OLIVIA:
- How say you to that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO:
- I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a
- barren rascal: I saw him put down the other day
- with an ordinary fool that has no more brain
- than a stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard
- already; unless you laugh and minister occasion to
- him, he is gagged. I protest, I take these wise men,
- that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better
- than the fools' zanies.
OLIVIA:
- Oh, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste
- with a distempered appetite. To be generous,
- guiltless and of free disposition, is to take those
- things for bird-bolts that you deem cannon-bullets:
- there is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do
- nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet
- man, though he do nothing but reprove.
CLOWN:
- Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
- speakest well of fools!
-
[Re-enter MARIA]
MARIA:
- Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much
- desires to speak with you.
OLIVIA:
- From the Count Orsino, is it?
MARIA:
- I know not, madam: 'tis a fair young man, and well attended.
OLIVIA:
- Who of my people hold him in delay?
MARIA:
- Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.
OLIVIA:
- Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but
- madman: fie on him!
-
[Exit MARIA]
- Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the count, I
- am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it.
-
[Exit MALVOLIO]
- Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and
- people dislike it.
CLOWN:
- Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
- son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with
- brains! for,--here he comes,--one of thy kin has a
- most weak pia mater.
-
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH]
OLIVIA:
- By mine honour, half drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- A gentleman.
OLIVIA:
- A gentleman! what gentleman?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- 'Tis a gentle man here--a plague o' these
- pickle-herring! How now, sot!
OLIVIA:
- Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Lechery! I defy lechery. There's one at the gate.
OLIVIA:
- Ay, marry, what is he?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not: give
- me faith, say I. Well, it's all one.
-
[Exit]
OLIVIA:
- What's a drunken man like, fool?
CLOWN:
- Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one
- draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads
- him; and a third drowns him.
OLIVIA:
- Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o' my
- coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's
- drowned: go, look after him.
CLOWN:
- He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look
- to the madman.
-
[Exit]
-
[Re-enter MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO:
- Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with
- you. I told him you were sick; he takes on him to
- understand so much, and therefore comes to speak
- with you. I told him you were asleep; he seems to
- have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore
- comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him,
- lady? he's fortified against any denial.
OLIVIA:
- Tell him he shall not speak with me.
MALVOLIO:
- Has been told so; and he says, he'll stand at your
- door like a sheriff's post, and be the supporter to
- a bench, but he'll speak with you.
OLIVIA:
- What kind o' man is he?
MALVOLIO:
- Why, of mankind.
OLIVIA:
- What manner of man?
MALVOLIO:
- Of very ill manner; he'll speak with you, will you or no.
OLIVIA:
- Of what personage and years is he?
MALVOLIO:
- Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for
- a boy; as a squash is before 'tis a peascod, or a
- cooling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him
- in standing water, between boy and man. He is very
- well-favoured and he speaks very shrewishly; one
- would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him.
OLIVIA:
- Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman.
MALVOLIO:
- Gentlewoman, my lady calls.
-
[Exit]
-
[Re-enter MARIA]
VIOLA:
- The honourable lady of the house, which is she?
OLIVIA:
- Speak to me; I shall answer for her.
- Your will?
VIOLA:
- Most radiant, exquisite and unmatchable beauty,--I
- pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house,
- for I never saw her: I would be loath to cast away
- my speech, for besides that it is excellently well
- penned, I have taken great pains to con it. Good
- beauties, let me sustain no scorn; I am very
- comptible, even to the least sinister usage.
OLIVIA:
- Whence came you, sir?
VIOLA:
- I can say little more than I have studied, and that
- question's out of my part. Good gentle one, give me
- modest assurance if you be the lady of the house,
- that I may proceed in my speech.
OLIVIA:
- Are you a comedian?
VIOLA:
- No, my profound heart: and yet, by the very fangs
- of malice I swear, I am not that I play. Are you
- the lady of the house?
OLIVIA:
- If I do not usurp myself, I am.
VIOLA:
- Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp
- yourself; for what is yours to bestow is not yours
- to reserve. But this is from my commission: I will
- on with my speech in your praise, and then show you
- the heart of my message.
OLIVIA:
- Come to what is important in't: I forgive you the praise.
VIOLA:
- Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis poetical.
OLIVIA:
- It is the more like to be feigned: I pray you,
- keep it in. I heard you were saucy at my gates,
- and allowed your approach rather to wonder at you
- than to hear you. If you be not mad, be gone; if
- you have reason, be brief: 'tis not that time of
- moon with me to make one in so skipping a dialogue.
MARIA:
- Will you hoist sail, sir? here lies your way.
VIOLA:
- No, good swabber; I am to hull here a little
- longer. Some mollification for your giant, sweet
- lady. Tell me your mind: I am a messenger.
OLIVIA:
- Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver, when
- the courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.
VIOLA:
- It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture of
- war, no taxation of homage: I hold the olive in my
- hand; my words are as fun of peace as matter.
OLIVIA:
- Yet you began rudely. What are you? what would you?
VIOLA:
- The rudeness that hath appeared in me have I
- learned from my entertainment. What I am, and what I
- would, are as secret as maidenhead; to your ears,
- divinity, to any other's, profanation.
VIOLA:
- Most sweet lady,--
OLIVIA:
- A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it.
- Where lies your text?
VIOLA:
- In Orsino's bosom.
OLIVIA:
- In his bosom! In what chapter of his bosom?
VIOLA:
- To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.
OLIVIA:
- O, I have read it: it is heresy. Have you no more to say?
VIOLA:
- Good madam, let me see your face.
OLIVIA:
- Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate
- with my face? You are now out of your text: but
- we will draw the curtain and show you the picture.
- Look you, sir, such a one I was this present: is't
- not well done?
-
[Unveiling]
VIOLA:
- Excellently done, if God did all.
OLIVIA:
- 'Tis in grain, sir; 'twill endure wind and weather.
VIOLA:
- 'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
- Nature's own sweet and cunning hand laid on:
- Lady, you are the cruell'st she alive,
- If you will lead these graces to the grave
- And leave the world no copy.
OLIVIA:
- O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will give
- out divers schedules of my beauty: it shall be
- inventoried, and every particle and utensil
- labelled to my will: as, item, two lips,
- indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with lids to
- them; item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Were
- you sent hither to praise me?
VIOLA:
- I see you what you are, you are too proud;
- But, if you were the devil, you are fair.
- My lord and master loves you: O, such love
- Could be but recompensed, though you were crown'd
- The nonpareil of beauty!
OLIVIA:
- How does he love me?
VIOLA:
- With adorations, fertile tears,
- With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.
OLIVIA:
- Your lord does know my mind; I cannot love him:
- Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,
- Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;
- In voices well divulged, free, learn'd and valiant;
- And in dimension and the shape of nature
- A gracious person: but yet I cannot love him;
- He might have took his answer long ago.
VIOLA:
- If I did love you in my master's flame,
- With such a suffering, such a deadly life,
- In your denial I would find no sense;
- I would not understand it.
OLIVIA:
- Why, what would you?
VIOLA:
- Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
- And call upon my soul within the house;
- Write loyal cantons of contemned love
- And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
- Halloo your name to the reverberate hills
- And make the babbling gossip of the air
- Cry out 'Olivia!' O, You should not rest
- Between the elements of air and earth,
- But you should pity me!
OLIVIA:
- You might do much.
- What is your parentage?
VIOLA:
- Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
- I am a gentleman.
OLIVIA:
- Get you to your lord;
- I cannot love him: let him send no more;
- Unless, perchance, you come to me again,
- To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well:
- I thank you for your pains: spend this for me.
VIOLA:
- I am no fee'd post, lady; keep your purse:
- My master, not myself, lacks recompense.
- Love make his heart of flint that you shall love;
- And let your fervor, like my master's, be
- Placed in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.
-
[Exit]
OLIVIA:
- 'What is your parentage?'
- 'Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
- I am a gentleman.' I'll be sworn thou art;
- Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions and spirit,
- Do give thee five-fold blazon: not too fast:
- soft, soft!
- Unless the master were the man. How now!
- Even so quickly may one catch the plague?
- Methinks I feel this youth's perfections
- With an invisible and subtle stealth
- To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.
- What ho, Malvolio!
-
[Re-enter MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO:
- Here, madam, at your service.
OLIVIA:
- Run after that same peevish messenger,
- The county's man: he left this ring behind him,
- Would I or not: tell him I'll none of it.
- Desire him not to flatter with his lord,
- Nor hold him up with hopes; I am not for him:
- If that the youth will come this way to-morrow,
- I'll give him reasons for't: hie thee, Malvolio.
MALVOLIO:
- Madam, I will.
-
[Exit]
OLIVIA:
- I do I know not what, and fear to find
- Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.
- Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do not owe;
- What is decreed must be, and be this so.
-
[Exit]
ACT II
ACT II, SCENE I. The sea-coast.
[Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN]
ANTONIO:
- Will you stay no longer? nor will you not that I go with you?
SEBASTIAN:
- By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over
- me: the malignancy of my fate might perhaps
- distemper yours; therefore I shall crave of you your
- leave that I may bear my evils alone: it were a bad
- recompense for your love, to lay any of them on you.
- ANTONIO: Let me yet know of you whither you are bound.
SEBASTIAN:
- No, sooth, sir: my determinate voyage is mere
- extravagancy. But I perceive in you so excellent a
- touch of modesty, that you will not extort from me
- what I am willing to keep in; therefore it charges
- me in manners the rather to express myself. You
- must know of me then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian,
- which I called Roderigo. My father was that
- Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you have heard
- of. He left behind him myself and a sister, both
- born in an hour: if the heavens had been pleased,
- would we had so ended! but you, sir, altered that;
- for some hour before you took me from the breach of
- the sea was my sister drowned.
SEBASTIAN:
- A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled
- me, was yet of many accounted beautiful: but,
- though I could not with such estimable wonder
- overfar believe that, yet thus far I will boldly
- publish her; she bore a mind that envy could not but
- call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with salt
- water, though I seem to drown her remembrance again with more.
ANTONIO:
- Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.
SEBASTIAN:
- O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble.
ANTONIO:
- If you will not murder me for my love, let me be
- your servant.
SEBASTIAN:
- If you will not undo what you have done, that is,
- kill him whom you have recovered, desire it not.
- Fare ye well at once: my bosom is full of kindness,
- and I am yet so near the manners of my mother, that
- upon the least occasion more mine eyes will tell
- tales of me. I am bound to the Count Orsino's court: farewell.
-
[Exit]
ANTONIO:
- The gentleness of all the gods go with thee!
- I have many enemies in Orsino's court,
- Else would I very shortly see thee there.
- But, come what may, I do adore thee so,
- That danger shall seem sport, and I will go.
-
[Exit]
ACT II, SCENE II. A street.
[Enter VIOLA, MALVOLIO following]
MALVOLIO:
- Were not you even now with the Countess Olivia?
VIOLA:
- Even now, sir; on a moderate pace I have since
- arrived but hither.
MALVOLIO:
- She returns this ring to you, sir: you might have
- saved me my pains, to have taken it away yourself.
- She adds, moreover, that you should put your lord
- into a desperate assurance she will none of him:
- and one thing more, that you be never so hardy to
- come again in his affairs, unless it be to report
- your lord's taking of this. Receive it so.
VIOLA:
- She took the ring of me: I'll none of it.
MALVOLIO:
- Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her; and her
- will is, it should be so returned: if it be worth
- stooping for, there it lies in your eye; if not, be
- it his that finds it.
-
[Exit]
VIOLA:
- I left no ring with her: what means this lady?
- Fortune forbid my outside have not charm'd her!
- She made good view of me; indeed, so much,
- That sure methought her eyes had lost her tongue,
- For she did speak in starts distractedly.
- She loves me, sure; the cunning of her passion
- Invites me in this churlish messenger.
- None of my lord's ring! why, he sent her none.
- I am the man: if it be so, as 'tis,
- Poor lady, she were better love a dream.
- Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness,
- Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.
- How easy is it for the proper-false
- In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!
- Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we!
- For such as we are made of, such we be.
- How will this fadge? my master loves her dearly;
- And I, poor monster, fond as much on him;
- And she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.
- What will become of this? As I am man,
- My state is desperate for my master's love;
- As I am woman,--now alas the day!--
- What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!
- O time! thou must untangle this, not I;
- It is too hard a knot for me to untie!
-
[Exit]
ACT II, SCENE III. OLIVIA's house.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after
- midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo
- surgere,' thou know'st,--
SIR ANDREW:
- Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up
- late is to be up late.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.
- To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is
- early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go
- to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the
- four elements?
SIR ANDREW:
- Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists
- of eating and drinking.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
- Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!
-
[Enter Clown]
SIR ANDREW:
- Here comes the fool, i' faith.
CLOWN:
- How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
- of 'we three'?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.
SIR ANDREW:
- By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I
- had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
- and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In
- sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last
- night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the
- Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas
- very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy
- leman: hadst it?
CLOWN:
- I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
- is no whipstock: my lady has a white hand, and the
- Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.
SIR ANDREW:
- Excellent! why, this is the best fooling, when all
- is done. Now, a song.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.
SIR ANDREW:
- There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a--
CLOWN:
- Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- A love-song, a love-song.
SIR ANDREW:
- Ay, ay: I care not for good life.
CLOWN:
-
[Sings]
- O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
- O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
- That can sing both high and low:
- Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
- Journeys end in lovers meeting,
- Every wise man's son doth know.
SIR ANDREW:
- Excellent good, i' faith.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Good, good.
CLOWN:
-
[Sings]
- What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
- Present mirth hath present laughter;
- What's to come is still unsure:
- In delay there lies no plenty;
- Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
- Youth's a stuff will not endure.
SIR ANDREW:
- A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- A contagious breath.
SIR ANDREW:
- Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
- But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? shall we
- rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three
- souls out of one weaver? shall we do that?
SIR ANDREW:
- An you love me, let's do't: I am dog at a catch.
CLOWN:
- By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
SIR ANDREW:
- Most certain. Let our catch be, 'Thou knave.'
CLOWN:
- 'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be
- constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.
SIR ANDREW:
- 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to
- call me knave. Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold thy peace.'
CLOWN:
- I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
SIR ANDREW:
- Good, i' faith. Come, begin.
-
[Catch sung]
-
[Enter MARIA]
MARIA:
- What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady
- have not called up her steward Malvolio and bid him
- turn you out of doors, never trust me.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's
- a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not
- I consanguineous? am I not of her blood?
- Tillyvally. Lady!
-
[Sings]
- 'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'
CLOWN:
- Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
SIR ANDREW:
- Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do
- I too: he does it with a better grace, but I do it
- more natural.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
-
[Sings]
- 'O, the twelfth day of December,'--
MARIA:
- For the love o' God, peace!
-
[Enter MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO:
- My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have ye
- no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like
- tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an
- alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your
- coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse
- of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor
- time in you?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!
MALVOLIO:
- Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me
- tell you, that, though she harbours you as her
- kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If
- you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you
- are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please
- you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid
- you farewell.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- 'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'
MARIA:
- Nay, good Sir Toby.
CLOWN:
- 'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- 'But I will never die.'
CLOWN:
- Sir Toby, there you lie.
MALVOLIO:
- This is much credit to you.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- 'Shall I bid him go?'
CLOWN:
- 'What an if you do?'
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- 'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'
CLOWN:
- 'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Out o' tune, sir: ye lie. Art any more than a
- steward? Dost thou think, because thou art
- virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?
CLOWN:
- Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the
- mouth too.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Thou'rt i' the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with
- crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!
MALVOLIO:
- Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any
- thing more than contempt, you would not give means
- for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.
-
[Exit]
MARIA:
- Go shake your ears.
SIR ANDREW:
- 'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's
- a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to
- break promise with him and make a fool of him.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll
- deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
MARIA:
- Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight: since the
- youth of the count's was today with thy lady, she is
- much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me
- alone with him: if I do not gull him into a
- nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not
- think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed:
- I know I can do it.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.
MARIA:
- Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.
SIR ANDREW:
- O, if I thought that I'ld beat him like a dog!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason,
- dear knight?
SIR ANDREW:
- I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason
- good enough.
MARIA:
- The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing
- constantly, but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass,
- that cons state without book and utters it by great
- swarths: the best persuaded of himself, so
- crammed, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is
- his grounds of faith that all that look on him love
- him; and on that vice in him will my revenge find
- notable cause to work.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- What wilt thou do?
MARIA:
- I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of
- love; wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape
- of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure
- of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find
- himself most feelingly personated. I can write very
- like my lady your niece: on a forgotten matter we
- can hardly make distinction of our hands.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Excellent! I smell a device.
SIR ANDREW:
- I have't in my nose too.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
- that they come from my niece, and that she's in
- love with him.
MARIA:
- My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.
SIR ANDREW:
- And your horse now would make him an ass.
SIR ANDREW:
- O, 'twill be admirable!
MARIA:
- Sport royal, I warrant you: I know my physic will
- work with him. I will plant you two, and let the
- fool make a third, where he shall find the letter:
- observe his construction of it. For this night, to
- bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.
-
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Good night, Penthesilea.
SIR ANDREW:
- Before me, she's a good wench.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me:
- what o' that?
SIR ANDREW:
- I was adored once too.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for
- more money.
SIR ANDREW:
- If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Send for money, knight: if thou hast her not i'
- the end, call me cut.
SIR ANDREW:
- If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late
- to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT II, SCENE IV. DUKE ORSINO's palace.
[Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and others]
DUKE ORSINO:
- Give me some music. Now, good morrow, friends.
- Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,
- That old and antique song we heard last night:
- Methought it did relieve my passion much,
- More than light airs and recollected terms
- Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times:
- Come, but one verse.
CURIO:
- He is not here, so please your lordship that should sing it.
CURIO:
- Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the lady
- Olivia's father took much delight in. He is about the house.
VIOLA:
- It gives a very echo to the seat
- Where Love is throned.
DUKE ORSINO:
- Thou dost speak masterly:
- My life upon't, young though thou art, thine eye
- Hath stay'd upon some favour that it loves:
- Hath it not, boy?
VIOLA:
- A little, by your favour.
DUKE ORSINO:
- What kind of woman is't?
VIOLA:
- Of your complexion.
DUKE ORSINO:
- She is not worth thee, then. What years, i' faith?
VIOLA:
- About your years, my lord.
DUKE ORSINO:
- Too old by heaven: let still the woman take
- An elder than herself: so wears she to him,
- So sways she level in her husband's heart:
- For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,
- Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,
- More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,
- Than women's are.
VIOLA:
- I think it well, my lord.
DUKE ORSINO:
- Then let thy love be younger than thyself,
- Or thy affection cannot hold the bent;
- For women are as roses, whose fair flower
- Being once display'd, doth fall that very hour.
DUKE ORSINO:
- O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.
- Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain;
- The spinsters and the knitters in the sun
- And the free maids that weave their thread with bones
- Do use to chant it: it is silly sooth,
- And dallies with the innocence of love,
- Like the old age.
CLOWN:
- Are you ready, sir?
DUKE ORSINO:
- Ay; prithee, sing.
-
[Music]
-
[SONG.]
CLOWN:
- Come away, come away, death,
- And in sad cypress let me be laid;
- Fly away, fly away breath;
- I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
- My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
- O, prepare it!
- My part of death, no one so true
- Did share it.
- Not a flower, not a flower sweet
- On my black coffin let there be strown;
- Not a friend, not a friend greet
- My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown:
- A thousand thousand sighs to save,
- Lay me, O, where
- Sad true lover never find my grave,
- To weep there!
DUKE ORSINO:
- There's for thy pains.
CLOWN:
- No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.
DUKE ORSINO:
- I'll pay thy pleasure then.
CLOWN:
- Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.
DUKE ORSINO:
- Give me now leave to leave thee.
CLOWN:
- Now, the melancholy god protect thee; and the
- tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for
- thy mind is a very opal. I would have men of such
- constancy put to sea, that their business might be
- every thing and their intent every where; for that's
- it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.
-
[Exit]
VIOLA:
- But if she cannot love you, sir?
DUKE ORSINO:
- I cannot be so answer'd.
VIOLA:
- Sooth, but you must.
- Say that some lady, as perhaps there is,
- Hath for your love a great a pang of heart
- As you have for Olivia: you cannot love her;
- You tell her so; must she not then be answer'd?
DUKE ORSINO:
- There is no woman's sides
- Can bide the beating of so strong a passion
- As love doth give my heart; no woman's heart
- So big, to hold so much; they lack retention
- Alas, their love may be call'd appetite,
- No motion of the liver, but the palate,
- That suffer surfeit, cloyment and revolt;
- But mine is all as hungry as the sea,
- And can digest as much: make no compare
- Between that love a woman can bear me
- And that I owe Olivia.
DUKE ORSINO:
- What dost thou know?
VIOLA:
- Too well what love women to men may owe:
- In faith, they are as true of heart as we.
- My father had a daughter loved a man,
- As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman,
- I should your lordship.
DUKE ORSINO:
- And what's her history?
VIOLA:
- A blank, my lord. She never told her love,
- But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud,
- Feed on her damask cheek: she pined in thought,
- And with a green and yellow melancholy
- She sat like patience on a monument,
- Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?
- We men may say more, swear more: but indeed
- Our shows are more than will; for still we prove
- Much in our vows, but little in our love.
DUKE ORSINO:
- But died thy sister of her love, my boy?
VIOLA:
- I am all the daughters of my father's house,
- And all the brothers too: and yet I know not.
- Sir, shall I to this lady?
DUKE ORSINO:
- Ay, that's the theme.
- To her in haste; give her this jewel; say,
- My love can give no place, bide no denay.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT II, SCENE V. OLIVIA's garden.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.
FABIAN:
- Nay, I'll come: if I lose a scruple of this sport,
- let me be boiled to death with melancholy.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly
- rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?
FABIAN:
- I would exult, man: you know, he brought me out o'
- favour with my lady about a bear-baiting here.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- To anger him we'll have the bear again; and we will
- fool him black and blue: shall we not, Sir Andrew?
SIR ANDREW:
- An we do not, it is pity of our lives.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Here comes the little villain.
-
[Enter MARIA]
- How now, my metal of India!
MARIA:
- Get ye all three into the box-tree: Malvolio's
- coming down this walk: he has been yonder i' the
- sun practising behavior to his own shadow this half
- hour: observe him, for the love of mockery; for I
- know this letter will make a contemplative idiot of
- him. Close, in the name of jesting! Lie thou there,
-
[Throws down a letter]
- for here comes the trout that must be caught with tickling.
-
[Exit]
-
[Enter MALVOLIO]
MALVOLIO:
- 'Tis but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told
- me she did affect me: and I have heard herself come
- thus near, that, should she fancy, it should be one
- of my complexion. Besides, she uses me with a more
- exalted respect than any one else that follows her.
- What should I think on't?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Here's an overweening rogue!
FABIAN:
- O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare turkey-cock
- of him: how he jets under his advanced plumes!
SIR ANDREW:
- 'Slight, I could so beat the rogue!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Peace, I say.
MALVOLIO:
- To be Count Malvolio!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Ah, rogue!
SIR ANDREW:
- Pistol him, pistol him.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Peace, peace!
MALVOLIO:
- There is example for't; the lady of the Strachy
- married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
SIR ANDREW:
- Fie on him, Jezebel!
FABIAN:
- O, peace! now he's deeply in: look how
- imagination blows him.
MALVOLIO:
- Having been three months married to her, sitting in
- my state,--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!
MALVOLIO:
- Calling my officers about me, in my branched velvet
- gown; having come from a day-bed, where I have left
- Olivia sleeping,--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Fire and brimstone!
MALVOLIO:
- And then to have the humour of state; and after a
- demure travel of regard, telling them I know my
- place as I would they should do theirs, to for my
- kinsman Toby,--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Bolts and shackles!
FABIAN:
- O peace, peace, peace! now, now.
MALVOLIO:
- Seven of my people, with an obedient start, make
- out for him: I frown the while; and perchance wind
- up watch, or play with my--some rich jewel. Toby
- approaches; courtesies there to me,--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Shall this fellow live?
FABIAN:
- Though our silence be drawn from us with cars, yet peace.
MALVOLIO:
- I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my familiar
- smile with an austere regard of control,--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips then?
MALVOLIO:
- Saying, 'Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on
- your niece give me this prerogative of speech,'--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- What, what?
MALVOLIO:
- 'You must amend your drunkenness.'
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Out, scab!
FABIAN:
- Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot.
MALVOLIO:
- 'Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with
- a foolish knight,'--
SIR ANDREW:
- That's me, I warrant you.
MALVOLIO:
- 'One Sir Andrew,'--
SIR ANDREW:
- I knew 'twas I; for many do call me fool.
MALVOLIO:
- What employment have we here?
-
[Taking up the letter]
FABIAN:
- Now is the woodcock near the gin.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- O, peace! and the spirit of humour intimate reading
- aloud to him!
MALVOLIO:
- By my life, this is my lady's hand these be her
- very C's, her U's and her T's and thus makes she her
- great P's. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.
SIR ANDREW:
- Her C's, her U's and her T's: why that?
MALVOLIO:
-
[Reads]
- 'To the unknown beloved, this, and my good
- wishes:'--her very phrases! By your leave, wax.
- Soft! and the impressure her Lucrece, with which she
- uses to seal: 'tis my lady. To whom should this be?
FABIAN:
- This wins him, liver and all.
MALVOLIO:
-
[Reads]
- Jove knows I love: But who?
- Lips, do not move;
- No man must know.
- 'No man must know.' What follows? the numbers
- altered! 'No man must know:' if this should be
- thee, Malvolio?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Marry, hang thee, brock!
MALVOLIO:
-
[Reads]
- I may command where I adore;
- But silence, like a Lucrece knife,
- With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore:
- M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.
FABIAN:
- A fustian riddle!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Excellent wench, say I.
MALVOLIO:
- 'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first, let
- me see, let me see, let me see.
FABIAN:
- What dish o' poison has she dressed him!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- And with what wing the staniel cheques at it!
MALVOLIO:
- 'I may command where I adore.' Why, she may command
- me: I serve her; she is my lady. Why, this is
- evident to any formal capacity; there is no
- obstruction in this: and the end,--what should
- that alphabetical position portend? If I could make
- that resemble something in me,--Softly! M, O, A,
- I,--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- O, ay, make up that: he is now at a cold scent.
FABIAN:
- Sowter will cry upon't for all this, though it be as
- rank as a fox.
MALVOLIO:
- M,--Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.
FABIAN:
- Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is
- excellent at faults.
MALVOLIO:
- M,--but then there is no consonancy in the sequel;
- that suffers under probation A should follow but O does.
FABIAN:
- And O shall end, I hope.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Ay, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry O!
MALVOLIO:
- And then I comes behind.
FABIAN:
- Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see
- more detraction at your heels than fortunes before
- you.
MALVOLIO:
- M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former: and
- yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for
- every one of these letters are in my name. Soft!
- here follows prose.
-
[Reads]
- 'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I
- am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some
- are born great, some achieve greatness, and some
- have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy Fates open
- their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace them;
- and, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be,
- cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be
- opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let
- thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thyself into
- the trick of singularity: she thus advises thee
- that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy
- yellow stockings, and wished to see thee ever
- cross-gartered: I say, remember. Go to, thou art
- made, if thou desirest to be so; if not, let me see
- thee a steward still, the fellow of servants, and
- not worthy to touch Fortune's fingers. Farewell.
- She that would alter services with thee,
- THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.'
- Daylight and champaign discovers not more: this is
- open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors,
- I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross
- acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very man.
- I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade
- me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady
- loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of
- late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered;
- and in this she manifests herself to my love, and
- with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits
- of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy. I will
- be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and
- cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting
- on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a
- postscript.
-
[Reads]
- 'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou
- entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling;
- thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my
- presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.'
- Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do
- everything that thou wilt have me.
-
[Exit]
FABIAN:
- I will not give my part of this sport for a pension
- of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- I could marry this wench for this device.
SIR ANDREW:
- So could I too.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.
SIR ANDREW:
- Nor I neither.
FABIAN:
- Here comes my noble gull-catcher.
-
[Re-enter MARIA]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?
SIR ANDREW:
- Or o' mine either?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Shall I play my freedom at traytrip, and become thy
- bond-slave?
SIR ANDREW:
- I' faith, or I either?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when
- the image of it leaves him he must run mad.
MARIA:
- Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.
MARIA:
- If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark
- his first approach before my lady: he will come to
- her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she
- abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests;
- and he will smile upon her, which will now be so
- unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a
- melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him
- into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow
- me.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!
SIR ANDREW:
- I'll make one too.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT III
ACT III, SCENE I. OLIVIA's garden.
[Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour]
VIOLA:
- Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by
- thy tabour?
CLOWN:
- No, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLA:
- Art thou a churchman?
CLOWN:
- No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
- I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
- the church.
VIOLA:
- So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a
- beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy
- tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church.
CLOWN:
- You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
- but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
- wrong side may be turned outward!
VIOLA:
- Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with
- words may quickly make them wanton.
CLOWN:
- I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
CLOWN:
- Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
- word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words
- are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.
CLOWN:
- Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
- words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
- reason with them.
VIOLA:
- I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.
CLOWN:
- Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
- conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
- to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.
VIOLA:
- Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?
CLOWN:
- No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
- will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
- fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
- herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
- her fool, but her corrupter of words.
VIOLA:
- I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.
CLOWN:
- Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
- it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
- the fool should be as oft with your master as with
- my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.
VIOLA:
- Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee.
- Hold, there's expenses for thee.
CLOWN:
- Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!
VIOLA:
- By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for
- one;
-
[Aside]
- though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy
- lady within?
CLOWN:
- Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
VIOLA:
- Yes, being kept together and put to use.
CLOWN:
- I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
- a Cressida to this Troilus.
VIOLA:
- I understand you, sir; 'tis well begged.
CLOWN:
- The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
- a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
- within, sir. I will construe to them whence you
- come; who you are and what you would are out of my
- welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.
-
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Save you, gentleman.
SIR ANDREW:
- Dieu vous garde, monsieur.
VIOLA:
- Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.
SIR ANDREW:
- I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous
- you should enter, if your trade be to her.
VIOLA:
- I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
- list of my voyage.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.
VIOLA:
- My legs do better understand me, sir, than I
- understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- I mean, to go, sir, to enter.
VIOLA:
- I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we
- are prevented.
-
[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]
- Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
- odours on you!
SIR ANDREW:
- That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.
VIOLA:
- My matter hath no voice, to your own most pregnant
- and vouchsafed ear.
SIR ANDREW:
- 'Odours,' 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em
- all three all ready.
VIOLA:
- My duty, madam, and most humble service.
OLIVIA:
- What is your name?
VIOLA:
- Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.
OLIVIA:
- My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world
- Since lowly feigning was call'd compliment:
- You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.
VIOLA:
- And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
- Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.
OLIVIA:
- For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
- Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!
VIOLA:
- Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
- On his behalf.
OLIVIA:
- O, by your leave, I pray you,
- I bade you never speak again of him:
- But, would you undertake another suit,
- I had rather hear you to solicit that
- Than music from the spheres.
OLIVIA:
- Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,
- After the last enchantment you did here,
- A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse
- Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you:
- Under your hard construction must I sit,
- To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,
- Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?
- Have you not set mine honour at the stake
- And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts
- That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving
- Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,
- Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.
OLIVIA:
- That's a degree to love.
VIOLA:
- No, not a grize; for 'tis a vulgar proof,
- That very oft we pity enemies.
OLIVIA:
- Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smile again.
- O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
- If one should be a prey, how much the better
- To fall before the lion than the wolf!
-
[Clock strikes]
- The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
- Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you:
- And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,
- Your were is alike to reap a proper man:
- There lies your way, due west.
VIOLA:
- Then westward-ho! Grace and good disposition
- Attend your ladyship!
- You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?
OLIVIA:
- Stay:
- I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.
VIOLA:
- That you do think you are not what you are.
OLIVIA:
- If I think so, I think the same of you.
VIOLA:
- Then think you right: I am not what I am.
OLIVIA:
- I would you were as I would have you be!
VIOLA:
- Would it be better, madam, than I am?
- I wish it might, for now I am your fool.
OLIVIA:
- O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful
- In the contempt and anger of his lip!
- A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon
- Than love that would seem hid: love's night is noon.
- Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
- By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing,
- I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
- Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
- Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
- For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause,
- But rather reason thus with reason fetter,
- Love sought is good, but given unsought better.
VIOLA:
- By innocence I swear, and by my youth
- I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,
- And that no woman has; nor never none
- Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.
- And so adieu, good madam: never more
- Will I my master's tears to you deplore.
OLIVIA:
- Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move
- That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT III, SCENE II. OLIVIA's house.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN]
SIR ANDREW:
- No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
FABIAN:
- You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
SIR ANDREW:
- Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the
- count's serving-man than ever she bestowed upon me;
- I saw't i' the orchard.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Did she see thee the while, old boy? tell me that.
SIR ANDREW:
- As plain as I see you now.
FABIAN:
- This was a great argument of love in her toward you.
SIR ANDREW:
- 'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?
FABIAN:
- I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of
- judgment and reason.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- And they have been grand-jury-men since before Noah
- was a sailor.
FABIAN:
- She did show favour to the youth in your sight only
- to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour, to
- put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver.
- You should then have accosted her; and with some
- excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should
- have banged the youth into dumbness. This was
- looked for at your hand, and this was balked: the
- double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash
- off, and you are now sailed into the north of my
- lady's opinion; where you will hang like an icicle
- on a Dutchman's beard, unless you do redeem it by
- some laudable attempt either of valour or policy.
SIR ANDREW:
- An't be any way, it must be with valour; for policy
- I hate: I had as lief be a Brownist as a
- politician.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of
- valour. Challenge me the count's youth to fight
- with him; hurt him in eleven places: my niece shall
- take note of it; and assure thyself, there is no
- love-broker in the world can more prevail in man's
- commendation with woman than report of valour.
FABIAN:
- There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
SIR ANDREW:
- Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief;
- it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun
- of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink:
- if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be
- amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of
- paper, although the sheet were big enough for the
- bed of Ware in England, set 'em down: go, about it.
- Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou
- write with a goose-pen, no matter: about it.
SIR ANDREW:
- Where shall I find you?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- We'll call thee at the cubiculo: go.
-
[Exit SIR ANDREW]
FABIAN:
- This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand
- strong, or so.
FABIAN:
- We shall have a rare letter from him: but you'll
- not deliver't?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Never trust me, then; and by all means stir on the
- youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes
- cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were
- opened, and you find so much blood in his liver as
- will clog the foot of a flea, I'll eat the rest of
- the anatomy.
FABIAN:
- And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no
- great presage of cruelty.
-
[Enter MARIA]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Look, where the youngest wren of nine comes.
MARIA:
- If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourself
- into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is
- turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no
- Christian, that means to be saved by believing
- rightly, can ever believe such impossible passages
- of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- And cross-gartered?
MARIA:
- Most villanously; like a pedant that keeps a school
- i' the church. I have dogged him, like his
- murderer. He does obey every point of the letter
- that I dropped to betray him: he does smile his
- face into more lines than is in the new map with the
- augmentation of the Indies: you have not seen such
- a thing as 'tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things
- at him. I know my lady will strike him: if she do,
- he'll smile and take't for a great favour.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Come, bring us, bring us where he is.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT III, SCENE III. A street.
[Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO]
SEBASTIAN:
- I would not by my will have troubled you;
- But, since you make your pleasure of your pains,
- I will no further chide you.
ANTONIO:
- I could not stay behind you: my desire,
- More sharp than filed steel, did spur me forth;
- And not all love to see you, though so much
- As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,
- But jealousy what might befall your travel,
- Being skilless in these parts; which to a stranger,
- Unguided and unfriended, often prove
- Rough and unhospitable: my willing love,
- The rather by these arguments of fear,
- Set forth in your pursuit.
SEBASTIAN:
- My kind Antonio,
- I can no other answer make but thanks,
- And thanks; and ever [ ]
- oft good turns
- Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay:
- But, were my worth as is my conscience firm,
- You should find better dealing. What's to do?
- Shall we go see the reliques of this town?
ANTONIO:
- To-morrow, sir: best first go see your lodging.
SEBASTIAN:
- I am not weary, and 'tis long to night:
- I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes
- With the memorials and the things of fame
- That do renown this city.
ANTONIO:
- Would you'ld pardon me;
- I do not without danger walk these streets:
- Once, in a sea-fight, 'gainst the count his galleys
- I did some service; of such note indeed,
- That were I ta'en here it would scarce be answer'd.
SEBASTIAN:
- Belike you slew great number of his people.
ANTONIO:
- The offence is not of such a bloody nature;
- Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel
- Might well have given us bloody argument.
- It might have since been answer'd in repaying
- What we took from them; which, for traffic's sake,
- Most of our city did: only myself stood out;
- For which, if I be lapsed in this place,
- I shall pay dear.
SEBASTIAN:
- Do not then walk too open.
ANTONIO:
- It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here's my purse.
- In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,
- Is best to lodge: I will bespeak our diet,
- Whiles you beguile the time and feed your knowledge
- With viewing of the town: there shall you have me.
SEBASTIAN:
- Why I your purse?
ANTONIO:
- Haply your eye shall light upon some toy
- You have desire to purchase; and your store,
- I think, is not for idle markets, sir.
SEBASTIAN:
- I'll be your purse-bearer and leave you
- For an hour.
ANTONIO:
- To the Elephant.
SEBASTIAN:
- I do remember.
-
[Exeunt]
ACT III, SCENE IV. OLIVIA's garden.
[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA]
OLIVIA:
- I have sent after him: he says he'll come;
- How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
- For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.
- I speak too loud.
- Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,
- And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
- Where is Malvolio?
MARIA:
- He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He
- is, sure, possessed, madam.
OLIVIA:
- Why, what's the matter? does he rave?
MARIA:
- No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your
- ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if
- he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits.
MALVOLIO:
- Sweet lady, ho, ho.
OLIVIA:
- Smilest thou?
- I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO:
- Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
- obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
- what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
- with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and
- please all.'
OLIVIA:
- Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO:
- Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It
- did come to his hands, and commands shall be
- executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.
OLIVIA:
- Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO:
- To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.
OLIVIA:
- God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
- thy hand so oft?
MARIA:
- How do you, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO:
- At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.
MARIA:
- Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?
MALVOLIO:
- 'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ.
OLIVIA:
- What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO:
- 'Some are born great,'--
MALVOLIO:
- 'Some achieve greatness,'--
OLIVIA:
- What sayest thou?
MALVOLIO:
- 'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'
OLIVIA:
- Heaven restore thee!
MALVOLIO:
- 'Remember who commended thy yellow stocking s,'--
OLIVIA:
- Thy yellow stockings!
MALVOLIO:
- 'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'
MALVOLIO:
- 'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'--
MALVOLIO:
- 'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'
OLIVIA:
- Why, this is very midsummer madness.
-
[Enter Servant]
Servant:
- Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is
- returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he
- attends your ladyship's pleasure.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
- the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
- himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.
FABIAN:
- Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?
- how is't with you, man?
MALVOLIO:
- Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go
- off.
MARIA:
- Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not
- I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a
- care of him.
MALVOLIO:
- Ah, ha! does she so?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently
- with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how
- is't with you? What, man! defy the devil:
- consider, he's an enemy to mankind.
MALVOLIO:
- Do you know what you say?
MARIA:
- La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes
- it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!
FABIAN:
- Carry his water to the wise woman.
MARIA:
- Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I
- live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.
MALVOLIO:
- How now, mistress!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do
- you not see you move him? let me alone with him.
FABIAN:
- No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is
- rough, and will not be roughly used.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for
- gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang
- him, foul collier!
MARIA:
- Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
MALVOLIO:
- My prayers, minx!
MARIA:
- No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
MALVOLIO:
- Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
- things: I am not of your element: you shall know
- more hereafter.
-
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Is't possible?
FABIAN:
- If this were played upon a stage now, I could
- condemn it as an improbable fiction.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.
MARIA:
- Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
FABIAN:
- Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
MARIA:
- The house will be the quieter.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My
- niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we
- may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,
- till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt
- us to have mercy on him: at which time we will
- bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
- finder of madmen. But see, but see.
-
[Enter SIR ANDREW]
FABIAN:
- More matter for a May morning.
SIR ANDREW:
- Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's
- vinegar and pepper in't.
SIR ANDREW:
- Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Give me.
-
[Reads]
- 'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'
FABIAN:
- Good, and valiant.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
-
[Reads]
- 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,
- why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'
FABIAN:
- A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
-
[Reads]
- 'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my
- sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy
- throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'
FABIAN:
- Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
-
[Reads]
- 'I will waylay thee going home; where if it
- be thy chance to kill me,'--
SIR TOBY BELCH:
-
[Reads]
- 'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.'
FABIAN:
- Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
-
[Reads]
- 'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon
- one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
- my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
- friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
- Andrew Aguecheek.
- If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
- I'll give't him.
MARIA:
- You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
- some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
- orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest
- him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for
- it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
- swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
- more approbation than ever proof itself would have
- earned him. Away!
SIR ANDREW:
- Nay, let me alone for swearing.
-
[Exit]
FABIAN:
- Here he comes with your niece: give them way till
- he take leave, and presently after him.
OLIVIA:
- I have said too much unto a heart of stone
- And laid mine honour too unchary out:
- There's something in me that reproves my fault;
- But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
- That it but mocks reproof.
VIOLA:
- With the same 'havior that your passion bears
- Goes on my master's grief.
OLIVIA:
- Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
- Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
- And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
- What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
- That honour saved may upon asking give?
VIOLA:
- Nothing but this; your true love for my master.
OLIVIA:
- How with mine honour may I give him that
- Which I have given to you?
VIOLA:
- I will acquit you.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Gentleman, God save thee.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what
- nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
- not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
- the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
- dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for
- thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
VIOLA:
- You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel
- to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from
- any image of offence done to any man.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
- if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
- your guard; for your opposite hath in him what
- youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
VIOLA:
- I pray you, sir, what is he?
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
- carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
- brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
- his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
- that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
- and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.
VIOLA:
- I will return again into the house and desire some
- conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard
- of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on
- others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man
- of that quirk.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
- very competent injury: therefore, get you on and
- give him his desire. Back you shall not to the
- house, unless you undertake that with me which with
- as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
- or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
- must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
VIOLA:
- This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
- this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
- my offence to him is: it is something of my
- negligence, nothing of my purpose.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
- gentleman till my return.
-
[Exit]
VIOLA:
- Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
FABIAN:
- I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a
- mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
VIOLA:
- I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
FABIAN:
- Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
- his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
- of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
- bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
- have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
- towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
- can.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
- firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
- all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
- motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
- pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they
- step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
SIR ANDREW:
- Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can
- scarce hold him yonder.
SIR ANDREW:
- Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so
- cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld
- have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
- and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
FABIAN:
- He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and
- looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
-
[To VIOLA]
- There's no remedy, sir; he will fight
- with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better
- bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
- scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for
- the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.
VIOLA:
-
[Aside]
- Pray God defend me! A little thing would
- make me tell them how much I lack of a man.
FABIAN:
- Give ground, if you see him furious.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
- will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
- he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
- promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he
- will not hurt you. Come on; to't.
SIR ANDREW:
- Pray God, he keep his oath!
VIOLA:
- I do assure you, 'tis against my will.
-
[They draw]
-
[Enter ANTONIO]
ANTONIO:
- Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
- Have done offence, I take the fault on me:
- If you offend him, I for him defy you.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- You, sir! why, what are you?
ANTONIO:
- One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
- Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
-
[They draw]
-
[Enter Officers]
FABIAN:
- O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- I'll be with you anon.
VIOLA:
- Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
SIR ANDREW:
- Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,
- I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily
- and reins well.
First Officer:
- This is the man; do thy office.
Second Officer:
- Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.
ANTONIO:
- You do mistake me, sir.
First Officer:
- No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
- Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
- Take him away: he knows I know him well.
ANTONIO:
- I must obey.
-
[To VIOLA]
- This comes with seeking you:
- But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
- What will you do, now my necessity
- Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
- Much more for what I cannot do for you
- Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
- But be of comfort.
Second Officer:
- Come, sir, away.
ANTONIO:
- I must entreat of you some of that money.
VIOLA:
- What money, sir?
- For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
- And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
- Out of my lean and low ability
- I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
- I'll make division of my present with you:
- Hold, there's half my coffer.
ANTONIO:
- Will you deny me now?
- Is't possible that my deserts to you
- Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
- Lest that it make me so unsound a man
- As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
- That I have done for you.
VIOLA:
- I know of none;
- Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
- I hate ingratitude more in a man
- Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
- Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
- Inhabits our frail blood.
ANTONIO:
- O heavens themselves!
Second Officer:
- Come, sir, I pray you, go.
ANTONIO:
- Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
- I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,
- Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
- And to his image, which methought did promise
- Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
First Officer:
- What's that to us? The time goes by: away!
ANTONIO:
- But O how vile an idol proves this god
- Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
- In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
- None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:
- Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
- Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.
First Officer:
- The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.
ANTONIO:
- Lead me on.
-
[Exit with Officers]
VIOLA:
- Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
- That he believes himself: so do not I.
- Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
- That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll
- whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
VIOLA:
- He named Sebastian: I my brother know
- Yet living in my glass; even such and so
- In favour was my brother, and he went
- Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
- For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
- Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.
-
[Exit]
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than
- a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
- friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
- his cowardship, ask Fabian.
FABIAN:
- A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
SIR ANDREW:
- 'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
SIR ANDREW:
- An I do not,--
FABIAN:
- Come, let's see the event.
SIR TOBY BELCH:
- I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.
-
[Exeunt]